Aug 11, 2013

#45. On These So-Called Gatherings

Recently I’ve been attending these poz gatherings, and it’s fun actually. 

Way back, when I hear “poz gathering” it sort of sounds like an occult rendezvous where there are human sacrifices to be made. It’s like an underground meeting meant to revive a fallen devil. 

Turns out that it’s not. It’s just like any other gathering where we get to meet other people. Nevermind the fact that we’re all diseased, it’s just really a great way to see other people of our kind.

But of course, there are inevitable surprises. Some people have actually known each other for such a long time outside the showbiz circle.

Bunyagan ng kulam, as we call it. Nevertheless, we get over it, move on, and realize that there’s more to life or the disease that binds us all at the end of the day. And so I wonder, some few years from now, will I ever see a familiar face from my social circle and get the surprise of my life?

Well, I wouldn’t be so surprised if I do. It might shock me, but as I’ve said, just like the others, I’d probably just shrug it off and move on eventually.

Come to think of it, I’ve not really much to hide. My family and some closest friends know about my condition, and I’ve learned to treat it just like anything else in this world. It’s not some dirty little secret, but its not something I’m also willing to divulge just for the heck of. I guess this is where I draw the line between “privacy” and “liberation”.

Picture this: if my parents didn’t know of my status, would have I told them? I seriously don’t know. But if Piolo Pascual suddenly comes to me and asks me of my status on the spot, I’d probably even present my confirmatory result to him. I guess what I’m trying to say is that there’s probably really no need to hide. And ironically, if it's something we'd like to treat normally, then we probably can just present our diseased selves nonchalantly. Perhaps the only “fear” or anxiety that we experience at the thought that others might know of our condition is just demons that we ourselves have created. I’m not sure if these statements are making sense, and I agree that it’s highly debatable, but I’m just speaking on my behalf.


It’s really been a long, long while since I got really drunk. After 6 bottles of beer, I was served with this really colorful cocktail that tasted so divine. And after a few gulps I was turning silly and feeling funny and heady and all. In short, l was getting drunk. And a few sips more, I was at home already puking my to become sober. 

Three times.

It was fun, actually. Well, I didn’t know what implications this would have on my health moving forward, as my doctor always reminded me- NO DRUGS, NO ALCOHOL. (apparently, smoking is allowed). But hey, I probably won’t get so wasted for the next few months, and it’s actually just a great way to reaffirm the fact that indeed, my life is, and can still be normal. I’m not saying that the basis of normalcy is alcohol, it’s just one of the many criteria that I've chosen to use as a basis.

Some old poz peeps are saying that there used to be just less than ten of them attending these gatherings, and the number is growing faster than our fingernails do. It’s not such a good thing from a clinical perspective, but perhaps for us who belong to the statistics already, it could actually be something interpreted as “fine” or an incident that can be classified as “okay”. Again, this is highly debatable. But I know you know what I mean. Maybe the next gathering can be held at the PICC. Who knows?

Will I ever attend another one of these gatherings?

Chances are, yes, I will. There’s this innate curiosity to put faces behind all these twitter avatars and the desire to bond with our kind. Most of them are surprisingly fun, i must admit.

There was one lost soul there last gathering and he arrived when the party was already waning. He was at the height of his emotions, and despite our reassurance to him that things are going to be okay, he asked me:

“Why are you guys happy?”

Well, you know who you are, and you may not realize it yet, but really, the answer to your question is quite simple.

There’s so much in life to be happy about. J

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