#5. Aaron

Aaron,

I met you at work, and eventually, what shouldn't have happened just happened. It was such a big boo boo. I know I shouldn't have gotten into a relationship with a coworker, but I thought back then that you were the perfect guy. Perfect skin, perfect body, fine taste for food and dining, didn't smoke, didn't drink, a masters degree up your sleeve and of course the romance that came in between.

It was an "us" in five days.

And just as how quick we became together, all the scars of your personality started showing up like a summer storm without warning. At 30, then, you seemed to be too insecure for your age. You would always brag about how the gym people adored your body and how your snob appeal created a character of mystery making them beg for more of you. At times, you would ask me randomly:

"may dumi ba ako sa mukha?"

And with all sincerity, I would inspect your face and tell you: 

"wala naman bakit?" 

"eh kasi tingin sila ng tingin sa akin." 

And good golly. This question and answer portion happened at an alarming rate.

At one time, you walked out and left me and my best friend because of a supposedly very petty surprise that you connived with her but didn't work out as you planned. Over dinner, unable to accept the fact that I didn't have anything to do with it and that it was so petty to be blown out of proportion, you stood up, walked away and never returned. We drove to your place, rang your bell, tried calling you, and even waited some while outside your unit. You just turned off your phone, and never bothered to say anything at all. My best friend and I went home with a heavy heart. I swear that guilty feeling almost killed me. All I could tell my best friend was I'm sorry. For you, for her, for myself.

You were quite predictable. You were in constant need of blaming others, unable to accept the fact that you are just as flawed and imperfect as anyone else. That your decision making skills were sometimes faulty and that most of the time, shit happens and there's nothing we could do about it. For the short time we were together, you made me believe that it was always I to be blamed. That I was immature. 

I was convinced then. With the age gap we had, I didn't stand a chance. I was immature.

You even spread a wild rumor that I was having an affair with my gym instructor at the time were already together. None of which was true.

Until the 1 month affair that seemed like years finally ended.

After some time, I found out that when we were still together, you were already with someone else. All along, you had been with your live-in partner for three years. Apparently, I was the other guy.

I had flashbacks.

That was why you never took me inside your unit. You told me you lived with your brother and that he  hated you so much that you would just pretend to be asleep so you could just escape your brother's random nagging. Your fabricated stories about Your brother hating you so much just seemed so surreal initially. I was forced to believe then that everything you said was all true. How stupid of me. It made more sense to me why you would never reply to me once you say good night to me every around 9 to 11 PM. Apparently, you and your live in partner shared the same bed. Texting me would have been suicidal. And oh, that condo unit you claimed to be yours, well, it was actually your live in partner's unit. And all that my-brother-hates-me-so-much drama just made more sense in the end.

At some point in time you came back, and asked for a chance so you could re-introduce yourself to me. But it was too late.

And just as how you messed up our puppy love, that's how I messed up my current, and here I am.

Karma must really be bitch and that's fine. I've long accepted the natural laws of order, balance and equilibrium. It doesn't really take any spirituality or profundity to figure that what goes around comes around.

May you finally be happy.

You know I really loved you.

Eu