#29. William

To be honest, I've lost track of how many times this has happened: I explore the world with something else in mind, then I meet someone who happens to like me as well, all classified under "extra-marital status". I've always thought that the disease would tremendously change the face of the game, but it appears it has not. In fact, I'd like to believe that I have actually tapped a market that was once untouched, further offering variety and assortment. 

I met you through a friend, Dominique. We were introduced about some weeks and weeks ago before I wrote this one. I don't even remember what your name was, and to be honest, I didn't bother asking you or her again for your name. All I remember was I asked you about a piece of gadget that you wanted to replace, and that was it.

You were virtually inexistent after the days that passed by after this initial interaction. Until one day as I was driving home, I received a text message from an anonymous number. I asked who it was, but it did not answer. I disregarded the fact that it was a prospective employer, as the message was too casual. After a few minutes, I decided to call the anonymous number. And to my surprise, It was you.

Since then we've talked on an increasing frequency, over Facetime and text. Most of the time, there is just vast dead air and I would just stare at your face as you smoked endlessly to your lungs' desires. You do much of the talking every time, and I insist, perhaps because I wanted to know about you without asking questions. I'm afraid that by asking questions, you might find out that you have inspired my interest in you already the moment you sent that text message.

When it is my time to speak, I try to escape the silence by trying to look ravishing and annoyingly cute. I do so successfully, as with every smile and tiny gesture, you would begin teling me how I try to escape my chance to talk by trying to look too cute on cam, and I would just smile back.

Again and again.

You know that I am taken, and I am probably taking advantage of you in one way or another. I am not here to judge, but something tells me that there is a sense of aloneness that envelops you. Away from your family, living alone, gay, diseased, sometimes bothered by the fact that the dating game has become more complex, and everything else in between.

In other words, you might be vulnerable, at least I think. And it is in the very vulnerability I am capitalizing on these shaky foundations. I have reached the point where the path diverges: either friendship or romance. And every feeble step seems to lead me to the latter. I am wasting the chance to become friends with someone because of this selfish act. You respond well to me, and you seem to be treading the romance path as well. And I can't blame you, You've got nothing to lose. Truth is, I've got everything to lose.

I am bothered, most of the time. But I believe that this, too, shall pass.

And until then, you will just be someone among the many faces that I fell in love with along the way.

I'm sorry.

And I hope somewhere, somehow, you'd come across this literature, as I plan never to tell you about how I feel now. And if you do, I'm sure you'd be smart enough to figure out that this is you I speak of.