Love is never easy. In fact, nothing might be.
And so now that we are in our third year of being together, I think the romance has naturally waned. My friends tell me it's normal, as in this stage of a relationship, it's all about making things work.
I spoke with one of my best friends who has been in a relationship with his boyfriend for ten years and counting. I could just imagine what heaven and hell they had been through together. So when my relationship with Froy is on the rocks, I usually turn to him for some words of wisdom. And these are some of the things he taught me:
"It's the little things that matter"- It sounds like some quote from some Hallmark greeting card, but it's ABSOLUTELY NOT TRUE. The little things may matter, but the bigger things matter more. Truth is, they're just the little things, so they can just be set aside, according to him. And it makes sense. It may spark a debate, but I am now a firm believer that the little things might never really matter at all.
"You can't change him"- I always thought I could. I have always been a firm believer that people change, and that regardless of age, changing for the better is always applicable. But learning from my experience and hearing stories of people who have been in long term relationships, it might not always hold true. My boyfriend never says sorry, nor does he apologize. He is scared to claim responsibility to say "Im sorry" or "I apologize". He only wants to talk about the good stuff, and just walls up so quickly when the topic gets ugly. I don't think I can ever change these. I might just have to live with it.
Compensation.- for whatever undesirable trait we discover with my partner, there has always got to be something he does to compensate for it. The trick is, it might be too casual or normal for me to recognize, but there has got to be something. ALWAYS. Otherwise, we would never have gone this far. The task is, I would have to find out how he compensates for his deficiencies. In my case, how he says sorry when he has come to realize when he has done something wrong.
Another friend asked me this question:
"Do you believe that sex keeps the relationship going?"
I would have said no, but thinking further, I said "yes.".
And yes, it does, because it is another form of communication. I've always believed that Sex, whether casual, monogamous, romantic, whatsoever, is a way of communicating a message to another person. The absence of, therefore, might mean that there is something that is "unsaid", thus the famous adage "listen to what I am not saying.". Moreover, it is the only differentiator and only means of communicating the difference between a romantic relationship vs. other forms of relationships, i.e., friendship.
I am not sure if I am making sense here, But what I am trying to drive at is that the sex part between us has long faded away. If we do it, perhaps it can be classified under the "tasks" category, something that must be accomplished with a resulting consequence. I can feel that he is still so into me, and this holds true only for my part. And i have to be honest, I don't know why.
It leads me to the next question:
Can we make it work as far as sex is concerned? After all, we are now in the "making it work" phase.
I DONT KNOW.
And I'm even scared that if I meet another person, transcend the romance, will I / we be able to sustain the sexual desire? After all, it does keep the relationship going, at least for me. I would like to think that my relationship with my boyfriend is falling apart because we are missing a crucial component- sex.
We had some heated argument over something five days ago, and this is the longest time that we have given each other the cold treatment.
Ironically, I feel like I'm not bothered at all. In fact, it feels like a breath of fresh air. I am just not sure how long this feeling of indifference will last. Maybe when the break up is officialized I will break down, but I am not sure. I haven't even cried over the HIV infection yet, but I believed I've already moved on. If this I am moving on as early as now, then so be it.
I don't know how to end this.
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