#36. Is This The End?

So the end is near. I can feel it. It's almost here, I can already taste it.

Froy asked for some "space", which I initially disagreed to give. Until eventually, I realized, he might need some space to think things through. And guess what. It turns out, I also needed it. Probably more than he did.

And so for almost a week now, we've lived on no communication at all. The longest and most sensible being a very casual "how are you" responded to by a deadening "good".

Ironically, all this silence feels fucking liberating. It feels like a breath of fresh air. A welcome break. Not that he stressed me out during our relationship. In fact, he has spoiled me in so many ways. he has taken care of me more than anyone else did. He isn't perfect, but who needs perfect? I was happy. But just like any fairy tale, I guess, some good things never last. And I am admitting it, ako ang may topak. Hindi ako makuntento.

Ayaw ko magpadalos dalos sa desisyon ko, pero ayaw ko na siyang saktan. Nagiging chain reaction kasi eh. Kapag magloloko ako ng kami pa may detrimental effect din sa akin. Iniisip ko mas mabuti pang makipaghiwalay na lang. Naniniwala na ako ngayon na "if you truly love someone, learn to let them go".

And so as of the moment of writing this, I have made up my mind. I just need to properly formulate and construct the words on how to break the news. After all, I think, the timing is apt, habang in good terms pa kami. Kesa naman na maghiwalay kami at walang matira. Tutal sinabi ko sa sarili ko at sinabi niya din sa akin na we can always be good friends. And I would like to take this opportunity to at least be left with friendship- something I think will last more than romance.

Sa mga interesado mag apply, pakipasa nalang ng resume. Kung may gusto ko applyan, I'll just do the same. Or pwede din naman na ideposit muna sa talent bank ko at magpapahinga muna ako saglit and enjoy singlehood.

Sa susunod, kung sino ka man, kung nababasa o mababasa mo ito at some point in time, aalagaan na kita. Aalagaan ko na magiging relationship natin. Hindi na ako magloloko. Saksi ang mga imaginary readers ko. Second life ko na ito. Lord has been so kind to me for letting me get back the career that I have enjoyed among all the rest, for giving me this physical body back, and for giving me the chance to be with someone again in the future. Hindi ko na sasayangin ito. I want this to last for a long, long time.

I will deal with the grieving offline. I know it won't be easy.

So help me God.